oknope:

the difference between pizza and your opinion is that i asked for pizza.

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officialunitedstates:

tinyvampire:

officialunitedstates:

I like ordering the most expensive thing on the menu but refusing to eat it.  It’s okay, though, because it’s a metaphor.  The metaphor is I’m incredibly wasteful and extremely wealthy.

OMFG HE’S DYING OF CANCER LET HIM DO WHATEVER THE FUCK HE WANTS WITH HIS DAMN CIGARETTES

what are you talking about.  im trying to brag about how ridiculously rich i am

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saintlukas:

matchless:

*prays that I instantly become hot at 18*

*ok let’s shoot for 21*

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kangaya:

do u ever have that default username that you always use and if a site already has it taken youre like . speechless

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gayindustrialcomplex:

fag3000:

gayindustrialcomplex:

Spiders eat their parents all the time and no one cares when they do it so what the fuck

did you eat your parents

How about you mind your own business

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dorasfedora:

I hate when you’re at someone’s house and they’re like
‘mum, she’s hungry’
And you’re like NO DONT SAY THAT I SOUND SO NEEDY WHY COULDN’T YOU JUST SAY WE!?!?

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